The Other Side

 I LOVE YOU!! 😘 We are just a reflection away from each other right? My heart is happy today.  Is this grief or Biopolar? 🙄😂 I spent the day catching up on my school assignments.  Maybe I'm happier today because I'm caught up or... because I'm doing literary reviews on sexual satisfaction in marriage. 😆 We could ( and would ) talk for hours about this stuff.  We could write a book on it!  Oh wait, we are!! 😂 It took us 23 years, but we figured it out.🤯 Remember when we did a podcast. 🥰I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME!🥰 I feel so close to you today! I am thankful God is blessing me with your love.  Yesterday was hard.  I know you love me.  You told me ALL THE TIME!!! (hence the bitmoji collection 🥰) 🤟 I'm sorry you don't have as much evidence from me that I love you.  I know I didn't say it enough.   I. LOVE.YOU.

  You always said there would be plenty of time to sleep when you were dead.  So...why don't I believe you are sulking in a bed like I am today?   What is it like for you on the other side?  Are you seeing beautiful things and thinking: "Ah!  Ember would love this!"   Do you have those painful grief punches in the gut when you remember I am not in the next room?  I'm doing ok.  Really.  I just miss sharing life with you.  I can do one day at a time.  The thought of getting through a day is totally doable.  When I let my mind tell my heart you aren't coming back again it kills me.  I let that in for a bit today.  It was brutal. When this happens, I have a good cry, listen to this song and hand it over to Jesus.   He fills my broken heart with hope and thinking of you working in heaven puts a smile on my face. I'll keep working hard here to put a smile on your face too. We got this! 🤟 ("fake it till...

  I don't know how we've managed 90 sleeps without you!   I'd like to take advantage of the 90 day return policy.  This arrangement isn't working out for me.   Please inform the Heavens that I am filing a return, and I'd like you back at my current address for a full refund.😭 (I'll pay shipping and handling if necessary) It's the first day of summer now.   No more school bus for Jadon. No more alarms for me!!!  This would mean your last day of school is tomorrow.  The BEST part of your job, Mr. Hobi, is summers off! What summer project should we do this year? We would probably paint the fence.  The EQ Pres. is coming over, today actually, to talk about doing that for a project.  They came out in April and took down the old playground, removed the trees, emptied my bag of dirt to level the hill and moved the trampoline for me.  I've reseeded the north lawn and turned the basketball court into a Pickleball court!  It's prob...

 Hey Babe! Yesterday I dropped Abi off at a Life After Loss Camp for the weekend.   Timp Lodge, Provo Canyon I attended the Life After Loss Conference at BYU in March, just a month after your passing and they put a flyer in my packet about Life after loss for teens .  I showed it to Abi and asked her if she would be interested in going.  She loved the idea!   So, there she is! "Yoked with Jesus"  You and Abi are spending the weekend together! 🤟 🥰 I drove away crying happy tears. I felt you. 🥲  Have a fun weekend with her! 🤟

 Yesterday was a day of celebrations!!  Jennica turned 22 years old!   Remember that one year when we pretended it wasn't her birthday and instead celebrated YOU ?  We celebrated hers a day early so she wouldn't hate you for making her 5th birthday so boring! The theme I picked for her this year wasn't a princess one it was... Hay Day!  (aka that dumb farm game she is obsessed over 😁) She sort of moved back home after the funeral.  (still has her apartment but won't live there till next Fall) She is closer to work here, and she picked up another job...with Abi!! I hardly see her because she work so much, but it's really great when she works the closing shift with Abi so I don't have to go get her! Speaking of Abi... Celebration #2 is: Braces are off!!! I unfortunately, was not in a celebratory mood.  I managed to get the balloons and decorations up but that was the only happy I could provide.  The rest of the day was a struggle.  I was ...

   I love that you and I communicate so well in Bitmoji. 😂  I'm mad because they've updated their avatars and now we don't look the same.  😡 Good thing I have a good stash of us in our texting thread to keep us alive.  I miss your face a lot.  I don't think it's a good idea to leave me here in charge of all the kids.   It was my turn to make dinner tonight and it was so gross.  I can't even get a crock pot meal right!!  I found a recipe to use all that stake I thawed on Sunday.  The only good part about it was the smell.  It went straight from the crock pot into the garbage!  God obviously knows this about me and knew you would be taken away from us, so I'm starting to see bigger reasons why Joshua and Jadon were sent to us.  They literally only eat PB&J, chicken nuggets and green smoothies, and are emotionally secure. (I'm sure there is a term for it.  Maybe emotionally protected is a better way of putting...

 It rained all morning, but it didn't ruin my day.  I actually felt peaceful.  I played your Sunday playlist, Audrey Assad  as we got ready for church.  Today was Stake Conference.  The theme was Ministering  Angles .  Abi was the youth speaker!  She wanted to give her talk "your way."  She refused to write it out.  She wanted to go by the Spirit, like you taught us, by example.  She prepared everyday during the week and then went with what she felt she should share.  She wasn't nervous at all.  She did a great job.  She shared my first experience with you at the temple, parts of her patriarchal blessing that mention you being with her, (see below) and how our family is sealed and you are still a part of us as a ministering angel.  Sister Goodman was watching on Zoom and took a screen shot of her and sent it to me! 💗 "Your father, a true disciple of Christ, has been gathered home to a glorious reunion with ...

  Hey Babe! Longest day ever!!  I’m grumpy.  I barely got through bedtime.  I told Joshua he wasn’t sleeping with me tonight and he said:  “You can’t just break your covenant!!” 😆 (covenant being; he can sleep in my room when it is not a school night??) That made me laugh, but yes I can, and I will with this one.  I’ve changed my mind. He isn’t sleeping with me on weekends anymore.  I want to be ALONE!   Jadon has slept with me the past 2 nights because he’s sick. I’ve had enough vomit, poop and feet in my face.   Our bed is stripped and I’m sleeping in it anyway all alone! (Me and the Graham cracker crumbs! 😫)  Every time I was on the phone I was interrupted by kids. It’s so frustrating!   How can they time it so well?  Jadon gets naked when I'm on the phone and tries to run to the pool.   I see I need to make some time for teaching phone etiquette.  Tonight was my Addiction Recovery meeting and ever...

 

Hey Babe, #ImomSoHard!  I spent some time with Abi this afternoon, and left the boys home with Jace.  When I got back Jadon had major diarrhea and threw up on me. I knew something was wrong when he wanted me to hold him, so i grabbed a bunch of towels and cuddled with him.  It only took a few minuets and the job was done. Then he was back at bouncing off the walls. (see video) Our house smells like the sewer and is a total mess.  I did get the laundry I started, folded AND put away in the same day! 🤯 I know you'd be impressed with that. 😆 maybe you'd also be impressed with me spraying clothes and towels with the hose to remove vomit? I had to be stern 😂 with the boys today and teach them how to behave when I am on the phone.  Jadon's little voice is so cute. He mimics sentences more than creates his own.   I was surprised at their response to me.  I need to use "Hobi Boys!" more often.  That got their attention.😆 Jadon is in bed next to m...

Finally!  A Mothers Day with your Mom!! 🥰 My Mother's Day got off on a great start!  Abi got her Patriarchal Blessing this morning.   You know this, because you were there.  We all felt you. 🥰.  I felt you as soon as I entered the room.   Did you see all those books?!   I knew you'd love that room.   You and Jarom would've been in heaven. (Ha! you literally are 😂)   You and Patriarch Gibbons are kindred Spirits. So many of those books remind me of you.     It was a beautiful blessing.  Abi especially loved hearing her future husband will remind her of you. 🥰 She told me she was really glad she didn't get her blessing earlier (before you died) because you are so present in it.   The introduction is all about you; where you are and what you are doing right now.  "Your father, a true disciple of Christ, has been gathered home to a glorious reunion with your Heavenly Father and  your...

  Remember when you took the boys to New York to watch the Knicks for Christmas in 2022 ?  (and got snowed in and missed Christmas at home with the rest of us?) Well, the boys are on their way back! Jace has been watching the playoffs.  Last week a big game was scheduled on Sunday.  He handed me his phone and told me to hide it till Monday.  He didn't want to know anything about the game on the Sabbath.  He decided he was going to wait and watch it Monday morning.   Monday morning at 5:30am he is next to my bed asking me where his phone is and the password to your laptop so he can watch the game. 😂 Apparently it was a big game!  He made a highlight video, but all his friends are still out on missions and you are gone.  He didnt' have anyone to share it with but Jarom.  😆  He told me he kept getting excited to share it with you but then he remembers..😢 He decided to share it with Mr. P and then this happened: 😳🤯 Mr. P is se...

  Babe!   What the heck?!   I picked up your Autopsy and Toxicology  report yesterday.    Cardiovascular disease?? Myocardial fibrosis?? Pulmonary edema???   How is that real? How does that equal this: How does this make sense? We get this report 👆saying your  biological age is 11.7 years younger than your calendar age and then 10 days later you are gone?! The only time I ever heard you mention something about your heart was a week before you died !  We talked about the surprising blood results concerning your heart and I asked you if you felt any of it.   You said: "No" with a mouthful of spinach. You admitted your heart hurt recently because we were fighting.  "Being distant from you has been really hard on me." You said.  "My heart hurt a lot." I thought you were being dramatic! 🙄🤯🥰. You said you were sure the next round of blood results in July would be better because we were better.   The only red flag w...