The Other Side

Hey Babe! Most days, I can move along and do ok while still carrying you on my heart.  I don’t cry every day anymore. I think I moved past that around the year mark in February.  I felt a shift that day. I wanted to be stronger in all the healthy ways. I wanted to wake up and face the day with intention instead of viewing it as another day without you.   I made it through all the “firsts.” For 365 days, every single day, I was surviving without you. And it was work.  I asked God to help me live a more intentional life once that first year passed.   The very next morning, I felt the shift. I didn’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I wasn’t living an incomplete day. It felt like life had potential again instead of limits. As long as I have routine, I do ok.  But when sunny days turn to rain and clouds, so does my mood.  The weather changed on Sunday… and so did I.   I want to escape when the sun hides.  I don’t want to be in mom mode.  I don...

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​ Babe!  I just walked passed Jadon after dumping my bathroom waste basket. He looked at me and said: “Hi mom. What are you doing with my garbage can?” 👏 That’s the first time he has ever greeted me with Hi mom 🥰  (His bus driver prompts him to say Hi mom EVERYDAY and he never does it!) And he’s starting to talk in sentences!! 🙌 I’ve noticed a change in his speech this week. He was looking at a book yesterday when he paused, looked at me and said: “mom, you need to relax.” 😆 where did that come from??  It sounds like he is saying phrases from things on tv or something but he doesn’t watch tv. He watches a curious George dvd…he doesn’t talk  🤪 Just now I heard him yell “I’m flying!!! As he ran up the stairs. 😆 Then I heard Joshua say: “Jadon be careful!” So I ran to see what was going on. I saw this 🫣 🤷🏻‍♀️  He is starting to express himself more.  He says the funniest things in the cutest voice. He asked me yesterday: “Where is daddy’s toys?” What ...

​ I sold your drums today. 😢 I was really happy with the guys who bought them. They have a band!  Your drums are the newest addition to a local band called Twisted Axis. They loved your set  🥰 I found Jadon sitting with your drums a few days ago. (Pic) He kept saying:”Daddy’s drums” when the guys were here. 😇 I tried to tell them the deal was buy the drums get a kid free. 🤣 I felt good about selling your drums, which surprised me.  I considered selling your bike but I started to cry so the time isn’t right.  I’m not ready.   Your shoes are waiting for you to climb back on.  I am selling your wetsuits. Why did you have 3?? And I gave my brother (West) your compression boots.  You spent some quality time in those!  It’s strange how some things are easy to part with, while others make me cry at the thought of it.  I am not trying to get rid of your stuff, I’m happy keeping most of you around me. The drums were just taking up space I could us...

Today’s line up features: DIARY of a Whimpy Kid series. 🤓​ Followed closely by: Number Blocks cars. 🚗 

I know you’re a fan of Michael Jackson. He wrote a song for Jadon. 😆​

​Today Jadon turns 5!! Strangely enough, it feels like this is the first celebration. Joshua even noticed that. It feels like the first time we’ve celebrated his birthday.  This is the first one that he seems to be aware that’s it’s his birthday too. When I got him out of bed I told him it was his birthday and he immediately wanted to go to Costco and get his cake. He loves the tuxedo cake from there. He said: “Birthday cake…Costco.” So I got dressed and took him to Costco. 🥰 Every time he says “birthday cake” I put candles on it and sing to him before giving him a slice. He’s had 3 slices so far.  I can tell he knows it’s a special day. He laughs when we sing to him.  He doesn’t play with toys really. He’s still more of a “things” kid. I just grabbed a toy from the Santa pile. I didn’t get him a lot of toys for Christmas (waste of money.) He’ll just focus on a few things anyway so I’m getting development tools as gifts. Today he got the Leap Frog toy and a crawl tunnel....

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                                                                                               Babe! I’m a little mad at you.  You know how you would always praise Jadon when he would do something that would frustrate me/us.   Like:  when I leave the Nutella jar on the table and he finds it and smears it all over himself. Or when he would run away with my toothbrush or rub toothpaste all over the couch. Or escape out the door and you would yell out to him:  “Go Jadon Go!” Or when he would eat handfuls of dirt, or rocks. Whatever crazy thing he was doing YOU would  always praise him with a laugh and smile and say:  “Jadon!  You are such a good boy!”  You would egg...