The Other Side

​ Dear Sam, Today was traumatic. Not because it’s the first week of summer and all six kids are home. Not because it’s the first of the month and all the bills are due. No. Today was traumatic because I finally addressed the email problem I’ve been avoiding for over a year. For reasons I cannot fully explain, I convinced myself fixing my email would require a degree in computer science, a trip to a phone store, and possibly a priesthood blessing or an exorcism. So naturally, I ignored it for twelve months. Today I faced my fears. It was every bit as awful as I imagined. I fought Microsoft. Then Outlook. Then Outlook.com. Then Microsoft 365. Then GoDaddy. Then something called a passkey. Then Microsoft Authenticator. Then verification codes. Then verification codes to verify the verification codes. At one point I was being asked to approve an app that required access to an account that I couldn’t access because I needed the app. I briefly considered living...

Hey Babe! Most days, I can move along and do ok while still carrying you on my heart.  I don’t cry every day anymore. I think I moved past that around the year mark in February.  I felt a shift that day. I wanted to be stronger in all the healthy ways. I wanted to wake up and face the day with intention instead of viewing it as another day without you.   I made it through all the “firsts.” For 365 days, every single day, I was surviving without you. And it was work.  I asked God to help me live a more intentional life once that first year passed.   The very next morning, I felt the shift. I didn’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I wasn’t living an incomplete day. It felt like life had potential again instead of limits. As long as I have routine, I do ok.  But when sunny days turn to rain and clouds, so does my mood.  The weather changed on Sunday… and so did I.   I want to escape when the sun hides.  I don’t want to be in mom mode.  I don...

I stumbled into our bedroom, flipped on the fan, shut the blinds, and fell into bed with a pillow over my face. Migraine. The only cure is sleep.

  Hey Babe! Longest day ever!!  I’m grumpy.  I barely got through bedtime.  I told Joshua he wasn’t sleeping with me tonight and he said:  “You can’t just break your covenant!!” 😆 (covenant being; he can sleep in my room when it is not a school night??) That made me laugh, but yes I can, and I will with this one.  I’ve changed my mind. He isn’t sleeping with me on weekends anymore.  I want to be ALONE!   Jadon has slept with me the past 2 nights because he’s sick. I’ve had enough vomit, poop and feet in my face.   Our bed is stripped and I’m sleeping in it anyway all alone! (Me and the Graham cracker crumbs! 😫)  Every time I was on the phone I was interrupted by kids. It’s so frustrating!   How can they time it so well?  Jadon gets naked when I'm on the phone and tries to run to the pool.   I see I need to make some time for teaching phone etiquette.  Tonight was my Addiction Recovery meeting and ever...