The Other Side

  Somehow this video became about leaks, grief, intuition, hidden treasure, and welcoming my husband back into our bedroom. 😅 Utah is in a drought… meanwhile my house is leaking everywhere. Pool equipment leaking. Things breaking. Water going where it shouldn’t. Me trying to catch my life in garbage bags. But underneath all of that chaos is a story about trusting my gut. I bought turf knowing full well it was probably not the smartest financial decision on paper. Honestly, I half expected Sam to come back from the dead just to stop me. 😂 Instead… I found treasure. While digging through storage under the stairs, I found Sam’s grandma’s silver that was hidden away for a couple decades! Silver tea set… that also happened to be worth enough money to pay off the turf before interest even kicked in. And while searching through all those forgotten boxes, I found something even more valuable: our wedding photo. A photo I had once put away during a season where I was angry, hurt, ...

​Hey Babe! Every now and then Facebook offers a gem. Today it reminded me of a few memories that all took place on today’s date, May 19th.  Take a look 😆 That “Man” conversation is killing me. 😆 We have a good balance. Some kids think I’m a mean mom while others think I’m a good MAN.  You win some you loose some! 🤷🏻‍♀️😎 I’m doubling down babe!  I can still be both. 😘

​ I’m starting to realize that the reality I experience every day is real… but only real through my mortal body.   My exhaustion, grief, fear, stress, loneliness, distractions, and responsibilities all feel incredibly real because I experience them physically and emotionally here on earth.   But deep down, I don’t think this temporary reality is my truest reality.   My truest reality is spiritual. Eternal.  This is where Sam is now, but I am only catching glimpses of it.  — usually when I slow down enough to hear God above the noise of survival mode.  The strange thing is that my default state requires no effort.   Fear is automatic.   Distraction is automatic.   Survival mode is automatic.   Living only through my physical senses is automatic.   But stepping into spiritual awareness takes intention.   It takes stillness.   Prayer.   Surrender.   Faith.   Trust.   Obedience.   It takes work to disc...

Hey Babe! Most days, I can move along and do ok while still carrying you on my heart.  I don’t cry every day anymore. I think I moved past that around the year mark in February.  I felt a shift that day. I wanted to be stronger in all the healthy ways. I wanted to wake up and face the day with intention instead of viewing it as another day without you.   I made it through all the “firsts.” For 365 days, every single day, I was surviving without you. And it was work.  I asked God to help me live a more intentional life once that first year passed.   The very next morning, I felt the shift. I didn’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I wasn’t living an incomplete day. It felt like life had potential again instead of limits. As long as I have routine, I do ok.  But when sunny days turn to rain and clouds, so does my mood.  The weather changed on Sunday… and so did I.   I want to escape when the sun hides.  I don’t want to be in mom mode.  I don...

I stumbled into our bedroom, flipped on the fan, shut the blinds, and fell into bed with a pillow over my face. Migraine. The only cure is sleep.

​Babe!   We have another driver!  I have mixed feelings about it. As with every new Hobi driver, no matter how good (or bad) they are behind the wheel, I fear for my life when I’m locked in the passenger seat. I try my best to be supportive and patient but I’m not a good copilot!  

​  It’s Mother’s Day and I’ve spent the ENTIRE day locked up in our room traveling down memory lane revisiting our family videos tonight.  I ended on this one because I wanted your voice in my head before I go to sleep. 🥰

​    When I paint I am restored to a peaceful perspective on what is important in life and everything slows down and is calm. Also, when I paint, the kids don’t bother me. I think it’s because I do it in the main living room and they like being in the same room as me. They just hang out and enjoy the moment of mom sitting still and not talking to anybody. I recorded every painting session and found it interesting that I loved using the bright colors but the best parts of the time laps happen when I use black.  I hated using color number 22 and 24 because they were BLACK but I loved how it made the color pop in the video.  It’s true in life, our dark moments enhance our life and in a weird way actually make the color in our days brighter.  I took a break from painting because I didn’t want to complete the painting in one week. (I was booking it!") It sat untouched for over a week and I was in a funk that entire week.  Yesterday, I was so tired of being grump...