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Celebrations!



 Yesterday was a day of celebrations!! 

Jennica turned 22 years old!  

Remember that one year when we pretended it wasn't her birthday and instead celebrated YOU?  We celebrated hers a day early so she wouldn't hate you for making her 5th birthday so boring!
The theme I picked for her this year wasn't a princess one it was...

Hay Day! 
(aka that dumb farm game she is obsessed over 😁)

She sort of moved back home after the funeral.  (still has her apartment but won't live there till next Fall) She is closer to work here, and she picked up another job...with Abi!!
I hardly see her because she work so much, but it's really great when she works the closing shift with Abi so I don't have to go get her!

Speaking of Abi...
Celebration #2 is:
Braces are off!!!


I unfortunately, was not in a celebratory mood.  I managed to get the balloons and decorations up but that was the only happy I could provide.  The rest of the day was a struggle.  I was home alone with Jadon and Joshua for most the day.  By mid-day I was dead asleep on our bed with both of them literally sitting on top of me watching a movie on my laptop.  Of course, I am this tired when all the older kids are gone.   It reminded me of my early pregnancy years when I'd have two or more kids climbing on me while I napped on the couch while you were at work. 
It was all too familiar.  My body demanded a nap.  
I locked all the doors and hoped Jadon wouldn't do too much damage while I was out.  
I was willing to accept the price for whatever he found to entertain himself.  When I woke up he was naked (I'm hoping he took himself to the bathroom??), and all the sunscreen bottles from the kitchen were lined up in our bedroom with the listerine bottles.  No harm, no foul?  I think I slept for almost an hour?  It was enough to help me through the rest of the day.  Jennica and Abi worked so dinner didn't get made.  That just meant I was the one without a meal.  (Joshua and Jadon ate their usual.)  Around dinner time I was nursing a migraine when the Jensens texted and said they had leftover food from their dinner and asked if we wanted any.  💗 My dinner was provided. 😇 🙏

Yesterday was a hard day physically.  I don't know why.  I still don't know what makes my good days good and my bad days bad.  There is no rhyme or reason to it and I don't have any control over it.  It just takes me.  I went to bed immediately after putting the boys down.  I slept like a baby.  
I don't sleep like normal people do.  I sleep horizontally on our bed now, with one blanket just my size.  You'd think I'd be done with all those pillows I mocked you for sleeping with...nope, all 6 of them are still piled high on the bed.  I don't use them, but they make the bed feel a lot less lonely.


Jan 17, 2023

I went to the Temple in the morning.  I didn't have time to do a session so I tested my luck as a walk-in for Initatories.  As soon as I walked into the booth I could hear hushed voices of the ordinance workers proclaiming blessings to other patrons.  The words were in whispers but they reached my ears with power.  They were words my heavy heart needed to hear.  Every part of my body aches right now. I know He is helping me get stronger.  I am promised I will get through this.
Before I left, I went to the Celestial room to feel you.  I feel "complete" when I am there.  I just wanted to cry with you. It was healing.  
When I left, it felt like I was descending from Heaven.  
As I hurried down the spiral marble staircase, I was like Cinderella racing the clock. Each step down felt like a step further away from your presence but a step closer to our family. Instead of leaving a shoe behind, my heart is on both sides of the veil. 
I am 100% committed to you and our family, but I have to remove myself fully from one World to be with the other.
My purpose as a mother feels more meaningful.  I don't leave the temple and return to "my life" anymore.  I leave the Temple and return to my role as a mother.  It's the only thing that matters.  The Temple is where you are but our home is where WE are. I DO feel you in both places.🥰🥲. 
Maybe this is why I am struggling so much.  I'm between realities and I can't process it yet??

Jarom sent me this talk.  
Man 😭😭😭 it was so comforting. 💗 


I love you 🤟
Stay close! 😘 


















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