The Other Side

​ Babe!  First of all I’m brilliant for thinking up this cake idea for your birthday, and secondly I’m brilliant for posting this on Facebook in 2017. It made me laugh out loud 8 years later! 🤣🤣🤣 💋 

Last night (Christmas Eve) I made dinner ( and by that I mean I warmed up ham dinner I purchased) and we ate off your grandparents China. I set your plate at the head of the table and lit a candle. We laughed and enjoyed the food but it didn’t feel like we were creating family memories or keeping family tradition. It felt fake.  After dinner Jarom insisted we watch his favorite clip from Charlie Brown Christmas about the true meaning of Christmas.  Then he took your scriptures (still sitting at your bedside table) and he read out of Luke and proceeded to teach Joshua (and the rest of us) about the true meaning of Christmas. Jace pulled out his scriptures on his phone and read 3 Nephi and bore testimony of Jesus and the sign of his birth.    Coincidentally, I hadn’t  place the star on top of our tree yet and used that opportunity for the boys to light our tree with the sign of Jesus’ birth.  My heart was full as our boys stepped into your shoes and took the ...

  Christmas Eve was always a team effort. The two of us still couldn't get the job done before midnight. This is our first Christmas with out you. I tried starting 48hr early. Still didn't get to bed before 2am. I found a glue gun is my new favorite tool and gift on the doorstep from...YOU!!

​ I love this picture of you. India is HOT for Santa. 😅 For whatever reason I feel the same way you do in that pic today. 😢 I’m having a grief day. I think my emotions are catching up to me. I need a good cry. Is it because I have our Anniversary and your birthday behind us and I’m staring Christmas in the face?  😭😭😩😩😩😭😭😭😭😩😩😩 Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I need you!! I’m not sure what I’m going to do about prepping. Do I pull an all nighter?  Do I wrap or not?   I can’t just lock myself in our room because Jadon needs to be watched!!  I think I’ll assign Abi to him and lock myself in our room to wrap presents and to cry all afternoon! The physical part of Christmas (like the shopping, cleaning, decorating etc) isn’t getting to me. It’s being present, positive and emotionally charged that is getting to me. I’m doing a lot of “creating” because of all the fakeness of Christmas. 😆 and I’m doing a lot of chaos control with Jadon.   I refuse to wake...

I know you’re a fan of Michael Jackson. He wrote a song for Jadon. 😆​

​happy birthday 🎁  Wishing you the best today Babe. 🥰 what would I do without reminders 😅 When I told Jadon it was your birthday today he said: “cake” 😆 I told him maybe we’d get angel cake but then I changed my mind and said we’d get cookies and the he started asking for angel cookies  😆 instead we went to the gas station and I let them pick a treat to eat at your grave.   Look at this!!  Your friends Matt and Ashley sent these to me in honor of you  🥰 several people have reached out to me today.   Today was a beautiful day. It was windy but warm. We were only wearing tshirts at the cemetery! I doubt we will get another birthday of yours like this. Just add it to the fake year. Everything is fake.  Joshua got a present in the mail today. Kayla Sue sent him an elf on the shelf!!! I told her you and I banned them from the HobiHome and that you were going to haunt her for this. Joshua will love her for it. He is thrilled!  The good news is the...

​ Abi was informed at work,  on Saturday, that her location was shutting down the following week. She called me and vented for a few minutes about it. She had the perfect set up. I loved it because it was so close to home. (Im the driver) We talked about other places she could apply and the hung up. Nothing more was said about it till Monday morning. She texted me from school saying she applied for a job and had an interview at Chick fil-a at 3pm! Your girl makes things happen. She’s not even 16 years old yet and she’s on her 3rd job! The interview went great she starts after Christmas break!! 👏 

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 I went to a 12 Step meeting yesterday.  It's the first one since you died and the first one as an actual participant, rather than missionary leading it.   It was a women's general addiction meeting. I didn't know any of the participants.  I guess thats the main objective when attending an addiction meeting for most people.  You choose a location far away from your home only to find all your neighbors working the same strategy. 😆.  This meeting was actually the closest meeting so I could be in and out as fast as possible.  I don't have a babysitter on Wednesday so I doubt I'll be able to make every week but I'm going to try to this month while the college kids are home. When I pulled into the church parking lot I wasn't thinking about all the things a first timer would at their first meeting.  We witnessed many of those first timers at our meeting.  The women tend to walk in meekly with tears, and the men stride in with purpose and ego,...

​ I’m not great at checking the mail.   In the pile I retrieved a few days ago there was a toll fee from California in your name. 🫣 it caught my eye today as it sat on the kitchen table. I thought I’d better check the due date. It was today!!! So random that I thought to look… thanks for nudging me. I can’t afford California late fees! (I can’t afford IRS taxes due on the 15th either!! 🤯 And property taxes!!? 😖😡) Where is that money pot hidden?? Being alive is expensive 🤨🤪 I am grateful DAILY for the lifestyle you provided for us. 🥰 Ps. Joshua just asked me if I was turning into a grandma? He said my face was making the grandma look while I was reading mail/bills.😂

​Today Jadon turns 5!! Strangely enough, it feels like this is the first celebration. Joshua even noticed that. It feels like the first time we’ve celebrated his birthday.  This is the first one that he seems to be aware that’s it’s his birthday too. When I got him out of bed I told him it was his birthday and he immediately wanted to go to Costco and get his cake. He loves the tuxedo cake from there. He said: “Birthday cake…Costco.” So I got dressed and took him to Costco. 🥰 Every time he says “birthday cake” I put candles on it and sing to him before giving him a slice. He’s had 3 slices so far.  I can tell he knows it’s a special day. He laughs when we sing to him.  He doesn’t play with toys really. He’s still more of a “things” kid. I just grabbed a toy from the Santa pile. I didn’t get him a lot of toys for Christmas (waste of money.) He’ll just focus on a few things anyway so I’m getting development tools as gifts. Today he got the Leap Frog toy and a crawl tunnel....

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​ This month is our 27th Anniversary.  December is packed with big celebrations! The one I’m most thankful for is today, our Miracle Anniversary. 🥰 (I’m still writing about that. It’s taking time) While I was sitting with you, Jennica showed up!!  She is living her best life right now. I’m so proud of her. 🥰 I know you are as well. 😘 

 

​Babe! I’m not caving. Joshua is dying for an elf on the shelf and I’m staying strong! He decided if we were going to have one in the house it was going to have to be him!  He has been sneaking around the house being his version of a mischievous elf. He is so fun!  😆 I turn around and there he is. Frozen with that smirk. 🥰    I’m not buying into a real elf on the shelf, but I did surprise him with elf pajamas. His imagination is beautiful.  He put on the pajamas and plopped down on our doorstep eager to be admitted into the HobiHome. 😍 This morning he woke up and said: “Oh no! It’s Monday.” 😩 I replied: “what do you know about Mondays?” 🤨 He answered: “it’s the worst day of the week. I have to go to school and I know what you’re going to say about that…” Me: “do tell” Him: “I only have to go for one hour but it’s still the worst!” 😩 I love that he thinks he’s only doing school for an hour. He is sitting in a classroom for only an hour but the rest of the d...

​ We’re at that stage again! Hobi #4 is learning to drive!!? I just started talking her out on Sunday afternoons so I can leave the little guys at home. (One of the college kids is usually home on Sunday.)  I’d really like to punt this one to you. I’m the one who taught all the others to drive. It’s not my favorite. It’s literally a life and death situation 😆 both our cars have ugly dents all over them. I’m not worried about adding a few new ones. I rotate cars each week. We’ll see who’s gets the Abi tattoo first. I’m mostly worried about staying alive. We’re a little short handed at home without you and I’m not covered with health insurance. (Kids are). I need to stay alive and well for the time at hand.  She’s good, not the worst of our crew, but still…help!! 🫣