Vlog~Sorry not Sorry, Babe!

Somehow this video became about leaks, grief, intuition, hidden treasure, and welcoming my husband back into our bedroom. 😅 Utah is in a drought… meanwhile my house is leaking everywhere. Pool equipment leaking. Things breaking. Water going where it shouldn’t. Me trying to catch my life in garbage bags. But underneath all of that chaos is a story about trusting my gut. I bought turf knowing full well it was probably not the smartest financial decision on paper. Honestly, I half expected Sam to come back from the dead just to stop me. 😂 Instead… I found treasure. While digging through storage under the stairs, I found Sam’s grandma’s silver that was hidden away for a couple decades! Silver tea set… that also happened to be worth enough money to pay off the turf before interest even kicked in. And while searching through all those forgotten boxes, I found something even more valuable: our wedding photo. A photo I had once put away during a season where I was angry, hurt, and honestly struggling to love him. Now it’s back in our bedroom where it belongs. “Welcome back to the bedroom, babe.” ❤️ This vlog is messy and funny and meaningful all at the same time — kind of like life lately. Welcome to Living Between Heaven & Earth.

Comments

Cause of Death

Babe! What the heck?! I picked up your Autopsy and Toxicology report yesterday. Cardiovascular disease?? Myocardial fibrosis?? Pulmonary edema??? How is that real? How does that equal this: How does this make sense? We get this report 👆saying your biological age is 11.7 years younger than your calendar age and then 10 days later you are gone?! The only time I ever heard you mention something about your heart was a week before you died ! We talked about the surprising blood results concerning your heart and I asked you if you felt any of it. You said: "No" with a mouthful of spinach. You admitted your heart hurt recently because we were fighting. "Being distant from you has been really hard on me." You said. "My heart hurt a lot." I thought you were being dramatic! 🙄🤯🥰. You said you were sure the next round of blood results in July would be better because we were better. The only red flag w...

Today

Today is July 16, 2025. It's a normal day today, nothing unusual going on here, BUT today, 4 years ago, changed everything for us. Today is July 16, 2021- the day we had our first session with Liz. I remember it well. I had the worst stomach ache during the session and the rest of the night. I did not want to address the issues I had stuffed for 23 years. I just want to run from them and you. I wrote: "It was his idea to see a Counselor. I protested, confident it would not work, simply because I did not want it to work" Today is July 16, 2022- a year into our "repair." While reporting to Liz in an email I realized it was exactly 365 days from our first visit with her. I wrote: " Not only do I believe in love- I believe love has the ability to create miracles!" Today is July 16, 2023- I am away for the weekend locked up in a room to recharge and write. While in my journal I find an old post fro...

Different sides

Babe, In the morning, my body aches, and all I've done is open my eyes. Why does grief do this? It's like death is mocking me for being alive. Why is this kicking in now? It has been 4 months but I feel worse today than I ever have. It hurts more. I forget to breathe and then I can't catch my breath. It is too shallow. I think part of my oxygen supply died with you. Daily this week, it feels like I am on the verge of a panic attack. My heart feels heavy, along with my shoulders and back. It's so heavy that I don't even try to carry the weight of it anymore. When it gets too much, I let it go. I cry where ever I am. Today that was sitting at a table at the City Library. I sat there and sobbed and it felt so good. Then I was able to move forward and be productive with my homework. First thing in the morning yesterday, I could feel the weight. I decided to leave the kids home from church and I walked alone, hopin...

The Other Side

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