Between heaven and earth

​I’m starting to realize that the reality I experience every day is real… but only real through my mortal body.  

My exhaustion, grief, fear, stress, loneliness, distractions, and responsibilities all feel incredibly real because I experience them physically and emotionally here on earth.  

But deep down, I don’t think this temporary reality is my truest reality.  

My truest reality is spiritual. Eternal.  This is where Sam is now, but I am only catching glimpses of it.

 — usually when I slow down enough to hear God above the noise of survival mode. 

The strange thing is that my default state requires no effort.  

Fear is automatic.  

Distraction is automatic.  

Survival mode is automatic.  

Living only through my physical senses is automatic.  

But stepping into spiritual awareness takes intention.  

It takes stillness.  

Prayer.  

Surrender.  

Faith.  

Trust.  

Obedience.  

It takes work to disconnect from the constant demands of mortal life long enough to remember who I actually am.  

Sometimes it feels like this earthly experience is a veil or a fog that keeps me heavily focused on temporary things while eternal things quietly wait underneath it all. 

Not fake… but incomplete.  

For example: Sam’s death is the end of our marriage.  Our family is now without him. 

That is incomplete. When I believe only that, grief is heavy.

If, instead a spiritual shift happens, everything changes for a moment.  

My problems don’t necessarily disappear, but they lose some of their power because I remember this world is not the full story.  

My body lives here temporarily.  

But my soul was made for something eternal.

Sam is part of that plan.  Our marriage is not over. Our family is still functioning as a whole.

His death was part of that plan.

And now, my daily experience is still part of that plan and everything depends on which reality I am choosing to focus on.

I think the work of mortality may simply be this:

Learning how to live on earth without forgetting heaven.

Sam’s death is showing me a reality I didn’t know existed.  

When he died, part of me went with him somehow.  

And now I feel like I’m learning to live with one foot in each world—

living between heaven and earth. 😇