The Other Side

Babe, I miss you tonight like Richard misses Elise McKenna. 😥 💔 My all time favorite movie hits different with you gone.  You know I use to watch this movie at least weekly when I was in College. I loved their love story.   I need to get my hands on that Time Travel book  🥰 Come back to me… Jace has been staying here for Thanksgiving break.  He used our shower and dressed to go out in a date. He left a trail of cologne behind him. It instantly brought me to tears. Our house hasn’t smelled like you for way too long. I forgot already, how good you smelled. I loved that you had self care routines.  I loved that you wouldn’t put cologne on in my presence. I noticed that you’d wait till I’d walk out of the room or into the closest then you’d apply it. I never asked why, but I liked that you weren’t always an open book. You recently told me you would apply your deodorant to your chest because I loved the smell of it. It’s true, I think I loved it more than the colo...

​ While we’re in the kitchen… The college kids are home for Thanksgiving and so I stocked up on “people food” 🫣 It feels like old times when our fridge is packed but all they eat is cereal. 😆 Your pecan pie is missing. 😥 but if you look closely you’ll find your coke is still waiting for you. (2nd shelf) Thanksgiving was perfect and by that I mean low key, stress free. We did the usual, went to Black Bear and then an event. This year we did Illuminaria at Thanksgiving Point.  It was fun being together again. I didn’t get pictures of all of us. (Missing Abi and jadon) Kinda funny how I’ve stopped obsessing over pictures and focus on being present instead.   I’m so thankful for our kids. You’d be proud of their progress. The littles have enjoyed having the big ones home. They rough house with them like you would. It’s so refreshing.  A full house without you is different. You’re missing but not absent. I feel you. I get unexpected and overwhelming emotions for you th...

​Babe, The best birthday surprise was that I really enjoyed my day.  Like many birthdays past, I spent it locked away. Not at a Hotel this year, this time in our room.  Since you’re not here to gift me a “weekend away”Jennica came home for Thanksgiving break and told me she would babysit for me if I wanted to get away.  She filled your shoes and bought me flowers and treats. 🥰 All the kids went in on a gift for our room. This couch: A cozy place for me to journal (aka sit with you). I’ve spent the entire day with you on my heart.  I don’t know how it’s possible to feel you so close when I’m literally losing more of you with each passing day. Everything that is left of you still has a place in this room.  Your scriptures are still at your bedside.  Your toothbrush is right where you left it. (On top of the mirror where Jadon can’t reach it 😊… never mind. I just looked and it’s gone. He climbed up there and got it. Now your toothbrush is -who knows where??)...

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​ It took me this long to disconnect your phone. 😕I think I’ve got all your accounts squared away so I won’t need it to verify anything.   I also canceled your unlimited car wash today, and your geek squad membership at BestBuy. (Didn’t know about that one but auto renewal popped up on our Amex). I’ve been carrying a copy of your death certificate in my purse. 😔 the strangest place I had to use it was at Costco to change my name into the primary card holder.  I’m dealing with your death daily. Shutting off your phone hurts more than most things I’ve done.  I’ll still text you. You’re not getting rid of me! 😘 I’m that girl that won’t take the hint when you haven’t responded…for 9 months. 🥰