Alone

 

Babe,

Today I want to be alone. I drove to the cemetery and when I arrive I find two funerals happening. The orange cones holding the family name brought me back to the day they guided me to your spot, with our name. Today I sat and watched Families dressed in black and a backhoe loader nearby filled with dirt. I remembered looking down into the plot dug for you. It was deep and unsettling. Yours is deeper than the traditional 6ft to make room for me to be stacked ontop. 

Today I spread a blanket over our spot and laid stomach down like I’m listening for your heartbeat. All I heard was crunchy leaves and my sobs. 

I miss you and feel you all at once. Being with you, without you, is oddly comforting. (Except for the migraines that result.) 😫