You are my "Thought Life"

Babe,

Today I listened to this prayer on proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinks in his heart so is he."

It introduced a new concept to called a "Thought life." It is defined as:

"The invisible, internal world where your thoughts constantly move, shaping your mood, decisions, and relationships."

I realized YOU are my thought life. You are ever present in my thoughts. Always with me and part of me like a shadow. No matter what I am doing you are on my heart. I carry you with me all day long. At first you were heavy to carry. I cried all the time because it hurt to feel you and not have you, but I am stronger now. I hold you without noticing the effort and fill your void with thoughts of us. I am not just me anymore. I am us. When I go about my day with the kids I am parenting for the both of us. It's you and me. When I am alone I am thinking about us. I love being in love with you. I am lucky you are on my mind all day, every day, and it makes my day better. (I am a master multitasker 😇)

I do have triggers though. If crossed, I am in full blown tears.

I cry every day, but when I accept you are gone...it never fails, I weep.

Somehow, in someway that reality hits me everyday. It's usually fleeting, and goes unnoticed by the kids, but my heart breaks and I have a moment of grief over you.

Today it was while I was driving.(It happens a lot while I'm driving.) It packs a punch. Tears blur my vision so I try not to sit in it too long. That reality is hard but having you in my thoughts all day is comforting. I don't feel alone. I feel secure in your love, and in the care of God's hands.

I really do live a dual life with my "thought life," I always have. My thought life is more than my reality. It's deep. I like this new discovery, and I like that you are there.

I love you!

🤟

Stay Close 😘

Comments

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The Other Side

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