You are my "Thought Life"

 

Babe,

Today I listened to this prayer on proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinks in his heart so is he." 

It introduced a new concept to me called a "Thought life."   It is defined as: 

"The invisible, internal world where your thoughts constantly move, shaping your mood, decisions, and relationships." 

I realized YOU are my thought life.  You are ever present in my thoughts.  Always with me and part of me like a shadow. No matter what I am doing you are on my heart. I carry you with me all day long.  At first you were heavy to carry.  I cried all the time because it hurt to feel you and not have you, but I am stronger now.  I hold you without noticing the effort and fill your void with thoughts of us.  I am not just me anymore.  I am us.  When I go about my day with the kids I am parenting for the both of us.  It's you and me.  When I am alone I am thinking about us.  I love being in love with you.  I am lucky you are on my mind all day, every day, and it makes my day better.  (I am a master multitasker 😇)

 I do have triggers though.  If crossed, I am in full blown tears.  I cry every day, but when I accept you are gone...it never fails, I weep. Somehow, in someway that reality hits me everyday. It's usually fleeting, and goes unnoticed by the kids, but my heart breaks and I have a moment of grief over you.  Today it was while I was driving.(It happens a lot while I'm driving.) It packs a punch. Tears blur my vision so I try not to sit in it too long. That reality is hard but having you in my thoughts all day is comforting.  I don't feel alone.  I feel secure in your love, and in the care of God's hands.

I really do live a dual life with my "thought life," I always have.  My thought life is more than my reality.  It's deep.  I like this new discovery, and I like that you are there.

I love you!

🤟

Stay Close 😘