Sunday reboot
Hey Babe!
Happy Sabbath! I did something new today. We went to sacrament (late), sat on the back row, Jadon spilled EVERYTHING out of the Sunday bag onto the floor. We (almost) sat still long enough for the bread and water. (He tried to climb onto the stage once, and almost escaped Abi twice and had awful farts!). We were back in the car before the Deacons were dismissed to sit down with their families. 😂 I had already planned to leave right after the sacrament, but Jadon sped the process up.😂
It's not news that Joshua doesn't like church, at first I thought it was because of you. 😂 Remember how he didn't like YOU sitting next to me in church? He got grumpy when we went to church because he wanted me all to himself. (which I want to mention here that since our reset I made a deliberate effort to sit next to you in church. We had too many years with kids and resentments between us, and I HAVE TWO SIDES!)
Well, I'm happy to report that you sitting next to me wasn't the reason he didn't like going to church after all. He still doesn't like it. He tells me Sunday's are the worst part of his life and he hates it when I say the words: "Time to get ready for church." I've tried to figure out why he doesn't like it. Every Sunday after church we still meet in the gym he still greets me with a big smile and is happy. I ask him every week: "How was Primary?" and every single week he says: "Good!" But every single Saturday , when he realizes the next day is Sunday he gets so mad.
Last night while he was in the bath I tried to get to the bottom of it.
I asked him what words I can say instead of: "Time to get ready for church." and his answer was: "No words. I don't like your voice on Sunday morning" 😆 (Abi probably relates)
Next question: "How can we make Sunday the best day ever instead of the worst day ever?"
Joshua: Make it a normal day so we don't have to go to church and I can play Minecraft. 🤨
Me: I made covenants to God that I will go to Church and remember Him and Jesus. And if you get baptized you will make those covenants too. The Jesus bread and Jesus water help us remember them. How about we compromise? Let's keep Sunday a different day by NOT playing Minecraft and we watch Jesus movies instead, and then on Monday you can play Minecraft an extra hour longer?
Joshua: "Really? I can play Minecraft longer on Monday! Ok deal!"
Me: "What else can we fix about the worst part?"
Joshua: The boring part.
Me: What part is the boring part?
Joshua: "The conference part." (I think he means sacrament)
Me: The part when you sit with me or the part you go to Primary?"
Joshua "Yes."
Me: 🙄 "I ask you every Sunday after church if you are happy you came and you always say yes. Not a single time have you said you did not like it. I don't understand. Your answers are confusing me. What parts are the boring parts at church? "
Joshua: "It's too long. It takes forever, and I have to sit for so long." (He dramatically flops to his side and sinks under water)
Yay!!! Finally I got an answer!
I've been pondering on that and it makes total sense!! We took him out of public school because he wasn't engaging. Of course, if he isn't a typical learner in a school setting, he isn't one in a church setting! He's probably trying but just like at school, it's too long and too hard to stay engaged! He cares about "doing the right thing" and he's probably anxious that he isn't understanding the topics and so he wants to avoid going.
Jadon is acting out also! He doesn't know his days of the week, but he has figured out when I am wearing a dress in the morning, I am either just getting home from the Temple (Wednesday) or it's Sunday. It's so funny to watch his expression when he see's me when I get him out of bed. On temple mornings he gives me a kiss and walks slowly pass me in anticipation to see if I will say anything about "going to church." Today I didn't say the "words" to upset Joshua, I just walked up to Jadon with his Sunday clothes and both Jadon and Joshua got upset.😆
When Jadon saw his buttoned shirt he started to cry and said "no church" and Joshua ran away from me angry that the words weren't said but he still got the message. 😂
Understanding Joshua's distain for church helped me understand Jadon's. Like Joshua, he is full of smiles after church and I've even been peeking in on him during class and he seems perfectly happy. I mean, these could be red flags for abuse or something, right? We've been observing their behavior for months, since before you died! You were doing this with me! They still run away to Primary happily and return to me happy. It's only at home before church that they complain. The bottom line is they enjoy their primary friends and teachers, it is just too long, especially for Jadon. No wonder they run in circles in the gym after church and then disappear to be alone at home after. They are cooped up, over stimulated, and hyper active! 🤪. They need short messages and room to wiggle. That is not what our primary experience provides. 😂
I don't like that our nonverbal 4 year old has made it loud and clear that he doesn't like going to church! I don't want any of our kids to have negative emotions about it. The sad truth is, we all do. So, we are making some changes! I am encouraging all of us to identify why. The last time I had a session with Liz, she counseled me to "Figure out how to love being a mom again" because I've been struggling. I haven't been myself, and I don't like that I don't like being a mom. I figured out what I didn't like and came up with solutions. Change needed to take place. I feel so much better. All it took was planning.
Last night I asked Joshua how he could make church less boring. His answer was to watch videos In sacrament. 🤣 I had him think that through and we decided it would be distracting to others and he didn't want to watch without volume. His next idea was gummy snakes. 😆 I agreed that we could arrange for him to have gummy snakes at sacrament. He looked satisfied enough but I suggested we go to Lakeshore next week and pick a new quiet toy that he could play with.( I need to rotate new things through our Sunday bag more often.) And just like that, Joshua likes church! 😂 (I'll post updates. I'm sure it will be an ongoing adjustment)
Ok-Back to Church: We left sacrament after only being there for 10 minuets, and I brought church to YOU!!
I prepared a lesson and in my opinion, had the best primary and YW ever! 😆
I taught Joshua and Abi about our "internal compasses," and taught Joshua how to use a real compass. I began by teaching them why you were buried in the position you are. I asked them if they knew where your head and feet were placed, and then told them why you are facing EAST. All Christians are buried facing EAST because when Jesus comes again He will come from the EAST and all bodies will arise and join him (facing EAST).
I used your magnets to show them what magnetic force feels like and said that magnetic pull is what points us NORTH and is like what is keeping our family together. Even though you are on the "other side" we are sealed as a family and we can feel you (and God) through a similar magnetic force keeping us close. Our "Internal Compass" is a connection and pull toward God. I explained to Joshua that his internal compass might sound like his thoughts saying:
"I don't have a good feeling about that." or "I feel good about_______or I should do___"
Abi and I had a deeper conversation about her being accountable for her testimony through her inner compass. I had her take a walk through the cemetery while listening to this podcast episode about your inner compass. I loved it. Then we talked about it. Her Patriarchal blessing is like a compass too. The main point I wanted her to hear is "She is in charge of her relationship with God. We are not getting her into Heaven.😇 I asked her to think about things she doesn't like about our Sunday traditions and make the changes to love it, or fix it. Don't blame the church, us, or anyone else for it. Find God with her inner compass! He is connected to her and waiting for her to tap into Him for direction. 😇
I told her I am aware that teenagers avoid going to sacrament because they feel they shouldn't take the sacrament but they are afraid if they don't take the sacrament their parents will get mad at them. I shared my testimony of the importance of taking the sacrament worthily and said attending sacrament is required education in the Hobi Home, just like high school is until she turns 18 years old. During that time it is expected she will go with me but I will never judge, question, follow up, or punish her, about the sacrament. I told her the reasons people don't take the sacrament is personal and can range from having resentments 🙋🏻♀️ to breaking commandments. It is between her and God. She can attend sacrament and NOT take the sacrament with me sitting next to her. She can even attend 12 Step meetings and I'll cheer her on! 😆. Messing up and finding God is what this life is all about!! 👏
I'm hearing stories of families leaving the church and then saying their relationships with their kids improved drastically once the "mormon rules" were removed and they finally felt free to be themselves without being punished and they finally love Sundays. I want the same thing for us, but within our covenants. We don't have to run from our religion to feel free, we need to apply it to be free! Our marriage is living proof. (well sort of😂) God wants us to have Joy. It is our job to go find it if it is missing. And if it is missing it means we are doing it wrong. He is the source of Joy. Satan wants us to hate church, blame our sin on religion, and hide from God.
I told Abi your (our) plot is the "Get out of jail free zone." She can tell us anything there and she will not be punished and it will stay buried with you. 😇.
Then I sent them on a compass treasure hunt. It led them to the van. I had treats in the trunk.
Jadon climbed on and jumped off headstones.😖. What am I to do?? Isn't it the same as climbing on top of you to play? 🤣 Of course I will discourage it but he'll hate going there if I am yelling at him to stop all the time. People roll in their grave when they see us pull in. 🤣🤪 Please send them my apologies.
I liked church with you today. Thanks for helping me make changes. I felt you encouraging me. I just volunteered us to be the kids teachers. We will spend less time at church and more time outside with you. I have a feeling there are a lot of great lessons to be learned (and taught) in the Cemetery.
I. Love. You. 🤟
Stay Close 😘
This is how we are ending the day. No pants, lots of energy, and Minno